So, this is my first post.....ever! And may be my last. Who knows, we'll see.
I just finished a week long speaking series titled Unless for World Changers at Brainerd Baptist Church. Wow! What a wide array of emotions!
The first night, I could've been sick! I was beyond nervous! God showed up though and worked in a way only He could. Then I got cocky!
Tuesday night, I thought I was prepared. I was wrong. I tanked it. But then I heard about students accepting Christ and others giving their lives to missions! Again, God showed up and worked in a way only He could! No longer cocky! In fact, I was sick again! But this time is wasn't nerves. It was the feeling that I let my Savior down, that I let the students and adults participating in World Changers down. I spent the next hour or so reading scripture and preparing for my next teaching time.
Thankfully, Wednesday night was somewhat of an "off night" as there was a block party scheduled. Honestly, I was thankful bc I was exhausted!
Thursday night, I trusted in Christ for everything. Everything! He showed up in such a mighty way! A concert of prayer was scheduled and I had speaking parts to help lead the night of prayer! The good news was I didn't lead anything! The Holy Spirit was hovering over us the entire night! It was amazing! Absolutely amazing! The kind of wow moment and confirms my call to ministry! The kind of wow moment that stirs my heart as to whether or not I'm serving God where and how He has called me!
Tonight, the final night of the week, was interesting. I believe God showed up, but in a different way. I don't know why.....I don't know how. I know God spoke through me and used me, but as the night came to an end, there wasn't that wow moment that I expected. Maybe I was looking and hoping and wanting the same wow moment from the previous night. I'm not sure. All I know is when I left, I felt incomplete. Maybe that's not the right word. But neither is disconnected. I'm going to miss the kids. I want more time with them. I want to speak to them again. I can't. They are packing, preparing to leave. I had my chance. And now it's over. What a weird feeling.
The question that keeps coming up is this....Is it about me or do I believe what I proclaim? That the God I serve is my ultimate purpose, my only purpose. That I'm o.k. with taking the backseat. I think I enjoy what comes with speaking. I enjoy the accolades the pats on the back! I think I enjoy them for the right reasons and the wrong ones. I've asked God to remove the selfish reasons. I hope He does!
The view from the backseat is the best view! In reality, it should be the only view.
I'm tired of driving. I'm tired of worrying. I'm tired of not completely living out what I proclaim. It's not about me. In fact, it's not even about you! It's about God. It's about my life being my spiritual act of worship! It's about being transformed by the renewing of my mind so that I may know and live out God's will.
I'm tired of being nervous. I'm tired of being cocky. I'm tired of being selfish. I'm ready to sit in the back. I ready to live out what I proclaim to be Truth!
I pray that you will join me!
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